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Iapos;m munching on some chewable vitamin c tabs that are supposed to be apos;wild blueberryapos; flavor.

These things are disgusting� Under the influence of exactly what drug do you have to be, in order to think that these things taste remotely like any kind of blueberry.� I can understand not wanting to put apos;tastes like wild yak pissapos; on the label, but at least it would be honest.�� Ye gods� I canapos;t belive how bad these things are.� I need the vitamin C boost, but Iapos;m really wondering if I could just put them in a blender along with some tequila, crushed ice, and a bottle of strawberry syrup.�� Ugh.� Something to hide the flavor.��

Yet, Iapos;m still eating them.

bleah.


In unrelated news... I had to order another couple of gangster hats.�� My beautiful white felt fedora finally bit the dust at the opening VIFF gala, and no amount of cleaning and steam shaping it getting it anywhere back to anything resembling decent condition.�� I suppose this is what happens when you let incredibly drunk wannabe starlettes play with your white hat in the pouring rain.� heh.

Youapos;d think that seeing as girls are the number one hat killer, that Iapos;d eventually learn my lesson.�� However, the chances are that Iapos;ll eventually let some pretty girl play with my hat again...

Also, Iapos;m a little annoyed on the boot front.� I seem to be playing a apos;never in stockapos; game over the damn boots I ordered at the end of the summer.�� *sigh*� So, Iapos;m gonna have to cancel the order and try aain with someone else.

Damn.

...muncha...

How the hell can anyone call these things Wild Blueberry?��

So bad.

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The Republican Party of Florida is getting cranked up for the stretch run. Besides Saturday's "Victory Rally" at the Rosen Shingle Creek resort. Gov. Charlie Crist and RPOF Chairman Jim Greer have mustered legislative leaders and candidates to rally Monday in Sarasota, West Palm Beach and Melbourne.

Here's details on the Brevard rally:

Republican Ticket Victory Rally Melbourne
Monday, October 20, 2008
Pizza Gallery Grill
The Avenue Viera
2250 Town Center Avenue
Melbourne, Florida
Doors Open at 1:15 p.m.

Special Guests
State House Speaker-Designate Ray Sansom
State Senate Candidate Thad Altman
State House Candidate Steve Crisafulli

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We face the future, we look back at the past. It is such a time that we have never faced in our lifetimes. We have choices to make, we have a vote to make, a vote that can mark the change, not only in the political landscape, but in the social fabric of this country. Our very survival depends on the outcome of this election.

We can go forward into the light, or fall into the abyss of hate and fear. The choice is yours. I choose to follow the light, Iapos;ve done it before and the feeling of hope, love, and forgiveness was overwhelming. I was told once by a power much greater than myself that I had to return to this life because my mission was not done. I did not know at that time what that meant. I do now. We must save ourselves from evil, we must embrace change, we must hope for all hope.

I have nothing to gain from this other than seeing a better world. Vote hope... Vote change.... Vote Obama.
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Wow, people are turning into animals today? I guess thatapos;s one of the curses Iapos;ve been told about. Glad Iapos;m not affected. How about anyone I know, anyone an animal today?

From what people have told me, I guess Iapos;ve been here before. I donapos;t remember any of it though so Iapos;m sorry if I had friends here that Iapos;ve forgotten about. Feel free to day hi if I knew you though.

Also, I think I need a job. Before coming here I was a hospice nurse so something in the medical industry might be good.
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Sometime in your life, or maybe all the time,
you feel like youapos;re in the dark, yes and alone.

not slight dark but pitch black dark.
and the air is moist and hard to breathe.
air is thin but not thin enough to suffocate.

then youapos;re groping around.

you know there is not light but your hope makes you believe that light will come, or you will find it, either way.

maybe you might start to cry, because youapos;re scared of being alone, or that you have momentary loss of hope.

then you will compose yourself, or die.

most people will choose to compose themselves and think logically. Try to reason or find a way out. Then they realise, it is still dark and there is no way out.

then i think, the pysche comes in. People start to look inward and thatapos;s where your inherent (whatever) shows. You see yourself because there is nothing else to see, and either you are shocked or relieved. Either way, you find your answer.

then light comes.

some people thank their hope for keeping them alive, some say god gave them light, some say it was their own wits that saved them, some think its luck. Maybe you attricute it to something or nothing, but likely you wont forget that episode.

we all need the dark, to see the light.
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It wasnapos;t until I saw the little black box which he pulled from his pocket when I realized I couldnapos;t force myself or try to convince myself anymore. Iapos;ve always sacrificed my happiness for othersapos;, but at the end Iapos;m still unhappy. No matter how much they did for me, no one can give me what I truly want, and that is the most simple in life--freedom...I still yearn to be free.

Realizing that I needed to be happy first before I try to make anyone else happy, I need to move on...again. All the days, weeks, and months leading to that cold winter day were sad for me, and they will be forever etched in my memories; his cries, the phone call. I am not sure which is more sad, to have oneapos;s heart broken, or to break someoneapos;s heart. I suppose to break someoneapos;s heart, you only see it, but to have your heart broken, you feel the heart aching, breaking apart, and you are never quite the same. Itapos;s something I wish never to endure because Iapos;m already certain I wonapos;t survive such pain. The saddest thing in life to me is, to look into someoneapos;s eyes and see so much love and joy, just because those eyes are looking at you; I never wish to take away from anyone. Itapos;s the greatest feeling to know that you are the world to someone, but also the worst feeling to know that you canapos;t see yourself in that personapos;s world.

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Iapos;m sorry I chose him. Iapos;m sorry I broke your trust. Iapos;m sorry I told him. Iapos;m sorry I lied to you. Iapos;m sorry I screwed up. Iapos;m sorry youapos;re not surprised. Iapos;m sorry I make mistakes. Iapos;m sorry I canapos;t be everything for you. Iapos;m sorry Iapos;ll never be perfect. Iapos;m sorry I canapos;t fix this. Iapos;m sorry I wonapos;t give up. Iapos;m sorry I canapos;t let go. Iapos;m sorry I wasnapos;t enough. Iapos;m sorry we fell apart. Iapos;m sorry that you donapos;t love me. Iapos;m sorry you donapos;t understand. Iapos;m sorry for hurting you. Iapos;m sorry for not trusting you. Iapos;m sorry I didnapos;t give you enough credit. Iapos;m sorry for wasting your time. Iapos;m sorry we never believed in each other. Iapos;m sorry itapos;s too late for us. Iapos;m sorry this was never real. Iapos;m sorry Iapos;ll always love you. Iapos;m sorry I wasnapos;t good enough. Iapos;m sorry I never will be.

Iapos;m sorry Iapos;m losing you.
Iapos;m sorry we lost each other.
Iapos;m so sorry I let you down.

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So last night I had this amazing dream that I was playing the guitar, the amazing intro, in Death Cab For Cutieapos;s music video "Cath..." I am beyond obsessed with this song.

And maybe I should be a rockstar one day.

other than that I miss my husband and I think about him every second of everyday we are not together. My tattoo appointment is coming near, and it is going to be a piece that comes at a time in my life that I feel I am changing, becoming this strong woman, yet embracing femininity, feeling beautiful, and living blissfully.

canapos;t wait to see the design for it soon
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OKAY�SO

MY�FLIGHT�ARRIVES�TOMORROW�AT 12:40 PM

GUESS�WHEN�MY�FIRST�FLIGHT�LEAVES?�

12:40 AM

LOL

I have a long flight to minneapolis, and then a 3 hour layover there, and then I get on my flight to Hartford.

The total travel time is actually like, 9 hours because Iapos;m going through some time zones, but still. LOL.

Iapos;m not like, bummed or anything. Iapos;m actually a little excited. ITS�LIKE�AN�ADVENTURE�OR�SOMETHING. AND�hopefully Iapos;ll just SLEEP on the planes so I wonapos;t be DEAD�AS�SHIT when�I get there XDDD

but oh, Iapos;m gonna miss Travis. NO�MATTER�HOW�EXCITED�I�AM�TO�GO�ANYPLACE�right before�I go I get the 8CCC�GONNA�MISS�TRAVIS�BLUES.

BUT�REALLY

Missing him just makes it that much more awesome to be with him when I get back.

SO�ITS�A�GOOD�THING.

GOD�SO�EXCITED�8DDD
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